Category: Motherhood Moments

You Must Not Love That Kid Much

Yesterday a friend and I took our kids on the Provo River Trail. It’s a great trail that runs along the Provo River all the way down to Utah Lake. It’s a great public trail, popular year round with bikers, hikers and fishermen. Sometimes too popular.

Our group consisted of five kids aged 6 and under, a pregnant woman and a breast feeding woman. We had bikes and strollers and a baby in a wrap. Any parent knows the effort that goes into an excursion like this. Just that morning I transferred three car seats, attached the bike rack to the car, pumped up bike tires, loaded the bikes on the car, hunted down helmets, packed snacks and drinks, loaded and unloaded each of my three kids. Why did I do all that work? So I could share what I love (outdoors) with people I love (my kids).

Along the trail we made many stops. That won’t be a surprise to all you parents out there. We stopped to throw rocks in the water, eat snacks, get drinks and at the farthest point to sit and breast feed the baby. Throughout the adventure we redirected our kids. Stay where I can see you. Don’t go too fast. Keep up so we don’t lose the group. Watch out for other bikers. Stay on this side of the trail.

While I sat on a bench nursing Baby L, my pregnant friend scrambled through trees and up a steep slope after the older kids who were having trouble maneuvering down. Her son, almost 2, stood on the trail. Right in the middle.

Just then a biker came up the trail and had to steer around my friend’s son to not hit him. The toddler should’ve been three steps further to the right in the lane for hikers, but as any parent of a young child knows, sometimes they don’t listen no matter how many times you’ve asked them to move out of the way. As he rode off the biker called over his shoulder, “You must not love that kid much.”

Rage and anger bubbled under my skin. Although this was my friend’s son, the comment was directed at me, the only visible adult. And I felt all the judgement in it.

You must not love that kid much. Is that why I spent my entire morning making this outing possible? Is that why I try so hard to expose my kids to nature and help them learn new skills like biking and hiking? Is that why I put up with the frustration of wrangling three small people with their complaints, pains, joys and needs? 

You must not love that kid much.

The truth is I make the effort to take my kids outdoor spaces because I love them dearly. Fiercely. It is my job to teach them about the world, how to live in it and take care of it. I will continue to make the effort because it is important and valuable. I love my kids that much.

Motherhood Moments: Great Expectations

I’m not used to taking things easy.
When I first had Big E my whole world changed, including what was possible in the outdoors. All day hikes to the top of mountains were fun with just adults in tow, but once a baby was involved diaper changes and feedings changed what I did in the outdoors. Maybe an all day hike up a mountain was out, but I could still put the baby in the pack and get out for a hike.

Then Big E grew. Suddenly he wanted to toddle everywhere without being strapped into a pack. So we adapted, changed our expectations and went on short adventures or stroller accessible activities.
Then little g was born. We had to adapt again. Learn how to have two kids and balance their needs and mine was another learning curve that affected what we did in the outdoors. But Big E was bigger and could actually walk on his own now. We could still get outdoors, just at a toddler’s level.
Now there’s another one. Baby L is still in the floppy stage, unable to even sit up on her own. While adorable and lovable in every way, her lack of motor skills requires another redefinition of acceptable outdoor activity. And it’s tough.
With this hot weather I long to go kayaking with my family. We live near a great tubing river, but having a completely dependent child makes that activity too dangerous to contemplate.
Biking would be another fun alternative, but my bike trailer requires an infant insert and says it’s only suitable for children over six months. Summer will be over by the time Baby L is six months.
Another family favorite is off-roading. Mountain Dad loves driving the RZR but laws (and common sense) require all children to wear helmets and Baby L has just barely figured out how to hold up her head. I can’t imagine what it would be like wearing a heavy helmet, not to mention I don’t think her car seat would work in an off road vehicle.
I thought I had figured out that having kids requires adaptation to my life. I have learned to walk at a slower pace, to plan ahead, to change the activities from white water rafting to short hikes near to home. We’ve bought special gear, taken more time, given up when appropriate. But I still have to lower my expectations.
I’m not asking for much. It’s not like I’m an extreme athlete running Iron man triathlons every weekend. And I know all too well that babies grow and this will be temporary. That doesn’t change the chasm between what I WANT to do outdoors and what I’m ABLE to do outdoors.
Getting outdoors with young kids is tough, but I know I will keep trying, changing and adapting, because it is also important.

Motherhood Moments: Summer Mentality

As an adult there’s no such thing as a summer vacation. Not like as a kid when summer was full of lazy days, playing with friends and a long break from any responsibility. As an adult you’re still expected to work every day even though the weather is beautiful and you’d rather be lying in a hammock.

That’s why I was so surprised when last week suddenly felt like summer. Like lazy day, laid back, kid summer. Maybe it was because Big E had his last day of kindergarten or maybe it was just beautiful days of sun and warm weather, but something changed from the mundane. And it was awesome.

I found myself planning a barbeque for family dinner, spending time in the garden, swimming with my kids, and hiking to a nearby creek. When opportunities to be outside arose I took them and put off my regular work (and blogging too). I appreciated the warmth and fun and happy vibe.

I was happier just being outdoors playing with my kids. And doing that I realized that my kids have a Summer Mentality ALL THE TIME! Here’s one lesson I can learn from them. Their outlook is always to look for the fun whether it’s playing with rocks or splashing in a stream. Is there a way I could look for fun even in the work I do? Can I have a Summer Mentality all the time?

Life requires work, which by definition isn’t very fun. Laundry, for example. The constant pile of dirty clothes on the floor of my kids’ rooms does not contribute to a laid back, happy, summer mentality mom. But is there a way I could look for fun while doing the laundry? 

I’m not sure if this will work all the time but here are some things I’ve tried to help focus on the things that really matter (like my kids) and off the things that don’t (like cleaning the house).

1. Go somewhere. When I’m at home with my kids I can easily ignore them. When we’re out in nature I’m much more interested in what they’re thinking, saying and playing.

2. Break a dreaded task down into 100 steps. If there’s something I’m avoiding, like cleaning out the garage, it helps to write out the project into micro steps. One – gather garbage bags. Two – walk outside. Three – open garage door. Etc.

3. Lower expectations. I don’t need a clean house. I can live without tackling the home renovation project we had planned. If my family is healthy and happy that’s good enough for me.

As I try harder to have a summer mentality I hope it will make life a little happier and more relaxed. That will be best for everyone.

For the Love of Mom Contest

What is a blog if not a place to brag and what better person to brag about than Mom?

I’m proud to be a winner in the For The Love of Mom blog post contest hosted by Tales of a Mountain Mama. My guest blog post I’ll Always Need a Mother is live today. Please go check it out!

While you’re there make sure to enter Amelia’s awesome Mother’s Day Giveaways. Just nominate a mom in your life for some amazing prizes.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!